Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Finding the Reason

Happy 2014! It's hard to believe another year has come and gone. Time seems to slip by quicker and quicker, and as much as I try to think I'm perpetually 25 years old (plus or minus eight or so years), my body begs to differ. I'm not usually one for grandiose resolutions. I'm actually the first to break them. During the Catholic season of Lent, I usually forget what I gave up after day two. It's hopeless, but I don't think I'm a bad person because of it. Instead I think my resolutions have been too vague and my desires too big. This year, things will be different. I am going to commit to exercising, and I mean real exercise -- not a day of continuous laundry and laps up and down the stairs. Full fledged Zumba on the Xbox or a long, fast paced walk pushing a somewhat heavy stroller. One day a week may not seem like a lot to the set of people who seem to enjoy this sort of activity, but I need a nudge, so I'll start with a small goal.

My other resolution came about pretty organically this evening. I am determined to try very hard to see the reason for things happening. I know there isn't always a concrete cause and effect to the ins and outs of life, and I'm far from philosophical, but I do know it is much easier to get caught up in negativity and drama and to be angry and upset then it is to accept what is happening and roll with it. By taking a minute to think about why something may have happened, we in turn breathe and start the steps to accepting what is going on.

Take my very first day of 2014. Little Miss M has had a respiratory virus for a few days. We saw her pediatrician on New Year's Eve, and she was sick -- no doubt. By the evening of New Year's Day, she was really not doing well. She was way more tired than an eight year old should be. She was having regular "zone-outs" (which may or may not be absence seizures), and she was triggering every alarm my Mommy Instinct could register. After much consultation with our beloved pediatrician, I took her to the Emergency Room, while the Husband stayed home with our other two girls.

I'm sure you can imagine that yucky place of high anxiety a parent or caregiver of a medically complex child lives in. Maybe you don't have to imagine it, maybe you live it too. I was not in a good place. We were taken right in, and we were taken seriously. Little Miss M began having work-ups.

Then, the unthinkable...

I dropped my iPhone. The screen smashed. I was almost thrown over the edge (sick kid rivals iPhone? I shake my head at myself). So, while I'm weeping over my ruined phone, as it's my lifeline many days, I text the Husband. Yes, I did it despite all the glass shards permanently wedging themselves in my fingers. You know what I found out? I never paid the cell phone bill for December. This is unheard of. I am obsessive about which bills are paid on which days, and I never check bills because I never miss them. I am forced to believe I dropped my phone tonight to signal the missed bill; mostly because believing this makes me feel better about dropping my beloved phone.

At this point I abandoned my phone soap opera and was feeling pretty guilty about Little Miss M having to get blood work done, and her veins being totally uncooperative and blowing on her causing a big old ouchie. The nurse, seeing that it was so hard to get blood took extra blood. The extra blood was then used to run extra tests that hadn't originally been ordered without having to stick Little Miss M again. All this pain in the neck time spent in the Emergency Room coupled with all the worry and tests really did happen for a reason though. We accidentally discovered that Little Miss M's platelets are dropping rather quickly. Whether this is from her virus or her medication, it doesn't matter, because now everyone is looking more closely at her.

So, sometimes I may have to stretch it, but I'm going to try really hard to see if I can find the reason things happen, especially things that seem extremely negative.

Do you have a unique resolution to share with us? Add it in the comments below.


Amanda loved her iPhone and will miss it very much, but is kind of excited to explore the Android market.

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